FW: inetresitng

Acocdrnig to an elgnsih unviesitry sutdy the oredr of letetrs in a
wrod dosen't mttaer, the olny thnig thta's iopmrantt is that the
frsit and lsat ltteer of eevry word is in the crorcet ptoision. The
rset can be jmbueld and one is stlil able to raed the txet wiohtut dclftfuiiy.



Puns for Intellectuals

1.. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
Thestewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only onecarrion per passenger."

2.. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

3.. Two boll weevils grew up in S Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star.
The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and naturally became known
as the lesser of two weevils

4.. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank
the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

5.. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon,
slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6.. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to
the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7.. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where
they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments
The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to
disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

8.. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian
family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is
named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a
picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete sake! If you've seen
Juan, you've see Ahmal!"

9.. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset
that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from
the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The florist
went to them and begged that they shut down. Again, they refused. Therefore,
the florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went
to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their
shop, and said that if they did not close, he would be back. Well, very
terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved
that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10.. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad
breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's
good...)--a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11.. Finally, ...there once was a woman who sent ten puns to some friends
in hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately no
pun in ten did.

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-three students filing  
into the already crowded auditorium. With rich maroon gowns  
flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up  
as they felt.  
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and moms freely  
brushed away tears. This class would not pray during the  
commencements ----- not by choice but because of a recent  
court ruling prohibiting it.  
The principal and several students were careful to stay within  
the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and 
challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and  
no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.  

The speeches were nice, but they were routine.......until the  
final speech received a standing ovation. A solitary student  
walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for  
just a moment, and then, it happened. All 92 students, every  
single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!!  

The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said,  
"GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!" And he walked  
off stage...  

The audience exploded into applause. The graduating class  
found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future  
with or without the court's approval. 
Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends   ...



On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Paquette, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the
right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."